The other night, we were waiting for some fireworks to start in Kemah (a local tourist type destination).
We were sitting on the ground and there was a family sitting behind us.
My kids were exhausted by this point so we were just sitting quietly. With nothing better to do than eavesdrop on the family behind us, I overheard the following conversation:
Woman #1: Listen to this, it's so funny.
Woman #1 (talking to baby - about 18-24 months): Liza, are you fat or pretty?
Baby: I pretty girl. I not fat girl.
Woman #2: Noooo, Liza is a fat girl.
Baby: No..I not fat! Liza is pretty!
Woman #2: Yes Liza is beautiful, Liza is not fat at all. Pretty pretty girl.
This whole conversation BUGGED me so much.
Yes, let's teach our tiny children that our beauty is judged by our weight.
Yes, let's start THAT lesson super early in life.
Yes, let's tell this child that she better stay slim if she wants to stay pretty because fat people are NOT pretty.
It might have just been innocent conversation. They might be fabulous people. But gosh, I was disgusted.
What do you think? Do you think that that conversation could be damaging to a young girl or am I reading way too much into this?
Memarie Lane says
July 2, 2012 at 4:11 pmDefinitely damaging. How awful! Fat is definitely not a good thing to be, but it has absolutely nothing to do with beauty, and neither weight nor beauty are things a young child should be concerned with.
Heather says
July 2, 2012 at 4:41 pmExactly. Being fat or being pretty shouldn’t be anything a young child should be concerned about. When I think of all the life lessons I want my children to learn from me, “pretty” doesn’t even register and fat only in terms of health.
Thanks for commenting!
D J Dabney says
July 2, 2012 at 4:31 pmI completely agree! It is not as if our society doesn’t already provide an outstanding array of judgments by which our girls feel they must live. My daughter was 7 yrs old and thin as a rail. Riding the bus home on a rare occasion, a boy her same age ( and a known bully) called her fat. Later, I find myself asking her what is she looking at in the mirror. The answer, “Do I look fat to you?” When she told me what had happened i was furious. I went to my neighbors house and told his mother what he had done. She didn’t flinch. Just said how other children were mean to him. I knew better. I had seen his behavior. I told her that was no excuse for his behavior and I wanted her to know that I didn’t appreciate it at all.
Heather says
July 2, 2012 at 4:45 pmOh how heartbreaking. I would have done the EXACT same thing. I don’t even want to think about other kids saying hurtful things to my kids! Noah’s cousin called him wierd and I was so sad! Thankfully my SIL was right there at the time.
Brie Padfield says
July 2, 2012 at 5:02 pmThis is heartbreaking. My weight has nothing to do with my beauty NOR my self worth. I hope I can teach my kids that fat isn’t an insult, its a statement made by people that have nothing worse to say about you. I’ve had grown men call me fat, congratulations! You’ve stated a fact through the power of sight! What a blow to myself esteem to have someone point out my body type. Whats next? Telling me I have blue eyes? Oh the humanity.
Heathers says
July 11, 2012 at 8:48 pmExactly. I totally agree. I have to think people that shallow aren’t worth the time of my day though!
Karly says
July 2, 2012 at 6:11 pmUsing fat as an insult is as wrong as any other slur. I would say they are not doing their kid a whole lot of favors by emphasizing a physical attribute that is so subjective like “beauty” either.
Heathers says
July 11, 2012 at 8:43 pmYep. Agreed! I try to tell Lizzie how SMART she is as often if not more often than I tell her how adorable she is 😉
LeeAnn says
July 3, 2012 at 1:22 pmOf course a person can be fat and pretty! And one really has no bearing on another.
That said, I have caught myself saying things to my kids about not eating too much candy so they don’t get fat. My whole family is overweight, and I have to work very hard to stay at a reasonable weight, so unfortunately for my kids, they probably have the genetic makeup to get fat if they don’t have healthy habits. I was a chunky kid and I was picked on. I just don’t want that for my kids. And while I know that it isn’t right to insult someone because of their weight, kids can be horribly mean.
So I do think it is a good thing to teach kids healthy habits so they do not become overweight, but not in the context of the conversation you overheard. Some kids (and adults) really cannot help their weight no matter how hard they try, but that does not for one second mean they aren’t pretty or that they are a bad person. What if that little girl ends up being overweight? Now her mom has it in her head that she isn’t pretty. So sad.
Heathers says
July 11, 2012 at 8:47 pmThat’s something that we are going to have to figure out here as well. Lizzie is likely to have weight issues just like me. There’s not a woman in my family without them, so it’s kind of expected.
However, I want her to have a healthy relationship with food and to understand moderation in a way I’m just now learning. We definitely label food as healthy, unhealthy and sometimes foods. She often tries to sneak Noah’s food if he’s not eating it (9 times out of 10, it’s the healthy stuff at least. The fruit typically.) . We tell her that she shouldn’t eat more than we give her because we give her a healthy amount that will help her grow big and strong, but if she eats more than that she might get slow and uncomfortable.
I want them to be mindful eaters since I am such a mindless eater. It’s tough work!